I was born a helpless baby filled with life. I didn't earn this life and I don't owe anyone anything for it. It is mine. Pure gift. But life is a big responsibility for such a little being. It can be scary and I quickly learned not to trust myself with it. I learned that... Continue Reading →
what to do with lusty power
The day my daughter told me she wasn't heterosexual was the day I started to pay attention to the discussions in Christian circles around "what God thinks" about all this. I'm sad to say I hadn't given much awareness before that to the actual people affected - seeing the debates as "an issue" instead. Having... Continue Reading →
a light in the darkness
I want to tell you a story about a woman. A woman whose story falls within a series of stories in the Bible that are set with a theme. The theme is that of light shining in the darkness, and not being perceived as light. It is a theme of light being found in the... Continue Reading →
a reflection on death
A bird flew into a window at my house and died today. I was lying in bed, nursing a shame spiral and anxiety attack. Triggers have been coming hard and fast for a few days and I don't know how they still blindside me after all this time. But suddenly there was a loud bang... Continue Reading →
physical and spiritual burn out
What's been going on with me? A glimpse into the continuing pilgrimage of a trauma survivor - the physically difficult stage. About a year ago, my sister began telling me that I needed to rest. It felt so frustrating. Of course I needed to rest. I didn't have time. I had many responsibilities and obligations.... Continue Reading →
trauma’s paths of unworthiness
A dozen times a day. That's how often my Great Wound gets bumped, jiggled, or poked. It doesn't take much. A scent. A look. A sensation. All painful reminders that don't trigger a memory - but instead awaken a gnawing ache that runs in the background of my operating system, like harmful malware. And like... Continue Reading →
anatomy of healing
I sit in silence, pinned beneath a precarious pile of heavy thoughts Should-haves and doubts of every kind hang, like price tags from each weighty memory I've been fooled before into thinking this is a puzzle I can put together Pieces that will fit satisfyingly, providing a picture in the end. An answer Social distraction... Continue Reading →
losing hope
It's been a long time since I've sat down to write. This pandemic, with all its false promises and deferred hopes has me feeling as weary in the same way a hospital waiting room zaps all my energy. I've spent my fair share of time in waiting rooms. And there's something about the waiting, the... Continue Reading →
advice from the hellish places
I've been reflecting lately... thinking back on the early days after I came to the horrific realization that I experienced sexual abuse in my childhood. Whether it is a stark realization, like mine - where my brain had hidden the knowledge from me, or a soft awakening to the fact that what happened was actually... Continue Reading →
on mothering
Mother's Day is always bittersweet for me. It's sweet because I have a wonderful, loving mother, and because I have three amazing (young adult) children. Becoming a mother burst my heart wide - it was truly the most dangerous thing I have ever done. Immediately my heart was outside my body. I could not protect... Continue Reading →
Something Deeper 