Around 5 years ago, something happened that so triggered my trauma response that, even though I had been actively healing for more than a decade, it threw me into a tailspin that entirely capsized my life. I can say that for 5 years it has taken all my strength and attention and focus to merely... Continue Reading →
a reflection on death
A bird flew into a window at my house and died today. I was lying in bed, nursing a shame spiral and anxiety attack. Triggers have been coming hard and fast for a few days and I don't know how they still blindside me after all this time. But suddenly there was a loud bang... Continue Reading →
physical and spiritual burn out
What's been going on with me? A glimpse into the continuing pilgrimage of a trauma survivor - the physically difficult stage. About a year ago, my sister began telling me that I needed to rest. It felt so frustrating. Of course I needed to rest. I didn't have time. I had many responsibilities and obligations.... Continue Reading →
trauma’s paths of unworthiness
A dozen times a day. That's how often my Great Wound gets bumped, jiggled, or poked. It doesn't take much. A scent. A look. A sensation. All painful reminders that don't trigger a memory - but instead awaken a gnawing ache that runs in the background of my operating system, like harmful malware. And like... Continue Reading →
advice from the hellish places
I've been reflecting lately... thinking back on the early days after I came to the horrific realization that I experienced sexual abuse in my childhood. Whether it is a stark realization, like mine - where my brain had hidden the knowledge from me, or a soft awakening to the fact that what happened was actually... Continue Reading →
on mothering
Mother's Day is always bittersweet for me. It's sweet because I have a wonderful, loving mother, and because I have three amazing (young adult) children. Becoming a mother burst my heart wide - it was truly the most dangerous thing I have ever done. Immediately my heart was outside my body. I could not protect... Continue Reading →
Something Deeper 